you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
