Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
