I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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