tell your sister to shave her snatch
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
