just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
