All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
