broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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