my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
this boner is exhausting
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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