How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
