the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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