Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
did i just pee glitter
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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