i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
