I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
