She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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