I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
