i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
