i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
