i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
