Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
