Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
