i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
