I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Watching her eat just hurts me
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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