The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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