So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
