He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
