Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
