Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
