thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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