We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
