We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
