what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
