Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
