take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
