At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
