I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
