I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
