I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
