How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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