We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
