last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
