you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
this boner is exhausting
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
