her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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