Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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