i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
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Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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