Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
