Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
