Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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