I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I believe in your delicious
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
