you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
