The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
