so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
