Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
