So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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