her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
