so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
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At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize