Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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