I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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