This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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