My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
