Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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