he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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