I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
