You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I think i got beer on your cat.
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